Dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

Q  - "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
A - "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Q - "What sort of trouble?"
A - "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Q - "Went away?"
A - "They disappeared."

Q - "Hmm.  So what does your screen look like now?"
A - "Nothing."

Q - "Nothing?"
A - "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Q - "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
A - "How do I tell?"

Q - "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
A - "What's a C prompt?"

Q -"Never mind.  Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
A - "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Q - "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
A - "What's a monitor?"

Q - "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
A - "I don't know."

Q - "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.  Can you see that?"
A - "Yes, I think so."

Q - "Great.  Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
A - "Yes, it is."

Q - "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were  two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
A - "No."

Q - "Well, there are ---- I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
A - " Okay, here it is."

Q - "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
A - "I can't reach."

Q- "Uh huh.  Well, can you see if it is?"
A- "No."

Q - "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
A - "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle --it's because it's dark."

Q - "Dark?"
A - "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming  in from the window."

Q - "Well, turn on the office light then."
A - "I can't."

Q - "No?  Why not?"
A - "Because there's a power outage."

Q - "A power...  A power outage?  Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
      Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
A - "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Q - "Good.  Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
       Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
A - "Really?  Is it that bad?"

Q - "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
A - "Well, all right then, I suppose.  What do I tell them?"

Q - "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."